This flesh is limited. Actually that is a semi clever attempt of saying, "I'm only human." It's a poor excuse, but true. What is frustrating it the manner in which I sell myself on this pitiful excuse. I look at my surroundings and I'm amazed at the privilege afforded me, yet I long for more. There is a hunger deep inside that never seems satisfied. It's a vacuum. I visit it all too often. I think of the passage in Revelation to the church at Laodocia:
"'I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot; I wish that you were cold or hot. 'So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth.'Because you say, "I am rich, and have become wealthy, and have need of nothing," and you do not know that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked," [Rev 3:17]
How dare I dream that I am rich, wealthy and have need of nothing. While I am afforded privilege in this country, it is only by the grace of God that I reside in this little corner of the world. But my definition of wealth is based on a world system. It is assessed by brand and quantity. So if this scripture speaks of things in the spiritual realm...perhaps I am better described as:
"wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked..." The phrase echoes in my mind. How we deceive ourselves to think we can be fulfilled without Christ. When I personally do not focus on Him, my entire world is reduced to a shattered reality that is flawed, and unfulfilling. I subject myself to opinions of other creatures who are limited to their interpretation of the ideal. My purpose is lost. And I am harnessed to a value system based on human effort and reward. Who judges the effort and parcels out the rewards? Flawed, failing, unfulfilled human beings. It angers and frustrates me.
I will be the first to say it isn't fair. (Afterall, it has been my favorite phrase pretty much all my life.) Any value or reward system developed in this realm is questionable because we, with our flawed thoughts, failing efforts, blind decisions, and wretched opinions are limited creatures. So I seek after the One who is limitless. I long in the deepest level of my being to be valued by One who can look beyond this realm and judge based on purity of motive, justice and righteousness. I am relieved to know that mercy abounds in spite of my limitations.
"I advise you to buy from Me gold refined by fire so that you may become rich, and white garments so that you may clothe yourself, and {that} the shame of your nakedness will not be revealed; and eye salve to anoint your eyes so that you may see." [Rev 3:18]
I still get caught up in the frivolous happenings of my little world. I question my abilities. I assess myself all too often based on the opinions of others. My whole day can be ruined by someone's criticism. My anger can be stirred by another person's arrogance and self-centeredness. I can become disheartened when I disappoint someone. And there are times when I really think I must be invisible based on how easily I'm overlooked.
A wise Sunday school teacher taught me to measure things based on eternal impact. Basically, what difference am I making today? Is it eternal or temporary. He used the example of arguing with your spouse. Does the argument lend itself to eternity and if not, what is the purpose? Eternity equals impact. Temporary or temporal is fleeting and fades with little or no value. I like that perspective because allows for a quick way to assess value.
I pray that rather than getting caught up in the day-to-day, (the temporal) I will cling to an eternal perspective. I will seek God and desire Him. Psalm 42:1-2 reads "As the deer pants for the water brooks, So my soul pants for You, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God; When shall I come and appear before God?"
